Dear Ex Boyfriend

Sometimes we live through different experiences and my one character of my first novel has this is a retrospective letter that she would write to her high school boyfriend that broke her heart after she broke up with him.

Dear Ex,

I know when we broke up things were tense!! So VERY tense, you were mad and I was heartbroken ( I just didn't know it yet).  But a lot of time has past, I have come to some realizations and I wanted to share them with you.

When we broke up (read I broke up with you) I was heartbroken and didn't know it at the moment.  You were so angry, asking me how I could be doing this to you.  You told me it wasn't fair, that you'd even bought me a ring. Which the whole ring, in hindsight, seems extreme we were in high school just to be fair.  I was tempted to change my mind, you must have been serious to buy to ring, but something told me not to.  I stuck to my conviction, I just knew deep down that something wasn't right with our relationship. I was so sad, SO SAD!! I loved you and I didn't know what was wrong, I couldn't put my finger on it, I just knew something was wrong.

You left for your summer holidays and I stayed in town...part of me thought I'd done you a great favour your weren't forced to stay loyal to me over the summer you could get a summer girlfriend.  Meet a girl on the beach, flirt away with twenty of them, it was like getting a hall pass. GO have your fun, I'll have fun here while you're gone but we will never speak about our adventures.  I didn't understand at the time that you just wanted me, because I just NEEDED out.

I had two weeks of my summer where I hung out with our friends, your guy friends, who were not happy with me, but they were dating my friends so I was someone they had to accept.  I wasn't happy though, something was missing. My 16 year old heart was yearning for someone and surprise surprise I wasn't finding that someone in any summer fling.  I thought I'd found one, but the distance was too much and he was starting to get into things I wanted nothing to do with.

So I stayed in town and I knew I'd made a mistake.  Everything I did made me think of you, everything.  I wanted to call you, to write you, to send you a message, but I never did, because I knew you'd be back home soon. I could only hope that you would be willing to listen to me, to hear my apology, I'd no reason other than a gut feeling to break up with you. There was no proof, no evidence just speculation and suspicion.  Then I had a conversation with a Little Birdie.

I had told said Bird that I was considering asking you to go out with me again when you returned home.  I missed you so MUCH! I felt I made a terrible mistake, I wanted my best friend back, the person I could count on to make me smile, the person who knew about all my insecurities and loved me anyways.  The little Bird then confirmed my suspicions, you'd been unfaithful, you'd stepped out on me and you'd done so with the Little Bird more than one time. For many times over the last couple of months. Times when I knew you were together, but you swore you were just friends.  I didn't believe her at first, I thought this was some ploy, then two more people confirmed it.

Devastation befell me, my broken heart broke again, shattering into thousands of pieces.  I cried and I got angry, and then I got even.  I found a summer boyfriend, he was older, much more mature than you and I was going to live my life without you.  SCREW YOU!! I screamed in my head and maybe out loud a time or two.  I maybe should have been suspicious about the timing of the revelations, Bird just didn't want us back together because she wanted you.  But I guess she screwed us both and herself over because you never took her as a girlfriend (thank you).

What a tumultuous time that was!! There were accusations, and lies and parents getting involved and then silence.  And then we didn't talk, we'd pass each other in the hallways and not a word was spoken.  The frigidness between us could have solved Global warming and brought in a new Ice Age.  It eventually subsided, we each found happiness else where.

Then we each experienced heart breaks of our own.  Who knew Karma could be such a BITCH!! And that girl cheating on you, (even though part of me was glad you were on the receiving end) made me so mad for you!! You were, are a great guy! It was fun reconnecting, and there was no pressure, It was easy falling back into a friendship with you.

I know you saw me do things, and I never chose you.  I couldn't choose you for a lot of it you were with that girl, then you weren't but I was with that boy.  It was serious, we'd been together for ever, but he was so bad for me, bad, bad, bad and he only got worse, but I don't know I guess my self esteem was non existent.  I felt I deserved the treatment he gave me, because all my boyfriends before me had cheated, so maybe that's what I was supposed to end up with. What a horrible fate I must have earned and yet I had no idea why I'd earned it. I started making bad decisions, partying every night, random hook ups, you saw it all. You know more than I am sure you ever let on. Maybe that period of our story is why our story is this way, why we never tried to co-write another chapter together, who knows what might have been.

Then we had some more encounters over the years, but you were with someone or I was or we were both single but never ventured past friendship again. You were my friend again and I was so HAPPY, and maybe just having you back as a friend was enough and not something I was willing to gamble with, I'm just not 100% sure.

I know I thought about it, I wondered what it would be like to give you a second chance.  I wondered what it would be like to kiss you again, to feel your fingers entwined with mine as we strolled through a hallway.  I wondered what we would fight about, or if we would fight at all.  How it would feel to have you pick me up at the door to go on a first date again?

I loved you and I still think very fondly of you! I think you are an amazing person, one of my fondest memories from high school regardless of how it ended in high school.

Girls are such romantics, and I always wonder if boys think the same way?  Did you think about dating me again? How did you see our break up? Do I ever cross your mind? We stayed in touch but it's not like we ever talk like this, it's not like we ever could.  Missed opportunities, or maybe a missed disaster?

At the end of the day it warms my heart to see how happy you are with your family!! I would never want anything to come between you and your true happiness. I've found mine, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but that doesn't mean I can't wonder.  I don't write this make things complicated,  I write this to explain, to put to words some strange feelings I am having.  I write this to put to rest those strange feelings, but to open a door should you ever want to chat about old times to clear up the picture.  I'm glad you are happy! I'm glad you are getting what you want out of life! I hope in time our stories intersect again and our significant others can meet and we can be that weird group of couples that hang out and nothing is actually weird about it!!

Love
your high school ex girlfriend

Meet Alizhay MacIntire

What is your full name?

Alice Holland MacIntire

Do you have any nicknames?

Yes Alizhay, and most people think that’s my real name, so let’s not tell anyone ok?

What is your gender?

Female

How old are you?

I’m 16

What is your birth date?

May 30

What is your relationship status?

Single but looking and I think I’ll be dating this one guy in no time.

How would you describe your hair colour?

I blonde straight hair, it’s like spun gold

How would you describe your eye colour?

I’ve blue eyes, like light sky blue none of this ocean or water blue colour.

What is your orgin?

Canadian

Do you speak any other languages?

English and I have a good understanding of French and some Japanese

How tall are you?

I’m 5’6”.

What is your weight?

I’m 100lbs.

Describe for the readers your body structure and physical faults.

I don’t’ like my ears, they really annoy me, people say they don’t notice but I do and I am getting them changed at Christmas.

I’m slim and always have been and I don’t gain weight like ever.

How is your health, Physical and Mental?

I’m really healthy and I don’t have any mental health issues that’s Marisal.

What ethnicity are you?

English, Scottish and Iroquois.

What would you say is your personal style?

I’m pretty trendy with my fashion but I always put my own spin on it, I also like to dress like a girl, skirts, heels and tops, I don’t think I own a pair of jeans at all.

What can you tell the readers about your family?

Well it’s a bit of a shit show.  My parents are divorced, mom got remarried and step dad is a douche.  I have four siblings that live with my mom and step dad but I left home three years ago and moved in with my dad.  I’m his only kid and he travels a lot for business so he’s not home that often. He has a new girlfriend that has a kid, but it’s not his so I didn’t want to live there anymore because she was always trying to mother me and I’m like I left my mother for doing that back off.  So I got my own apartment and Dad is helping with it but since I moved out of a place that was provided for me I had to help pay my own rent.  But he did give me this sweet car!

What can you tell us about your circle of friends?

I would say Marisal is my best friend and Tacia and I are good friends.  I met Marisal first and when we met her and Tacia were in some sort of fight and I didn’t meet Tacia for a bit, but I heard a lot so I keep Tacia at an arms length sometimes.  I also have other friends from back home but I don’t see them very often so I guess that’s my circle. There are some work friends and we may get close but who knows.

Do you have any enemies?

Yeah I don’t think this girl Paige likes me at all, I don’t know what her problem with me is, but she’s always glaring at me.

What are your religious spiritual beliefs/ values?

I am spiritual, like I believe in pagan gods and stuff like that.  I also love Tarot cards and those type of things. I think organized religion is the biggest farce in the world.

What are your life goals?

I’m going to start my own business and become rich that or marry a rich man.

What is your dream job or dream for your life?

My dream job is to organize charity events and social events with other rich people.

What is your favourite phrase to use?

No Way

What are your hobbies?

I like reading, partying, dancing, and if you tell anyone this I’ll deny, deny, deny but I like to knit.

What do you like?

Socializing, fashion shows, spas, nature the beach

What are your dislikes?

I dislike neediness, I dislike not getting my own way, I dislike beer

What do you loathe?

I loathe not getting my own way actually, I loathe being challenged.

What are your fears?

I’m scared of heights, I’m scared of public embarrassment

What are your strengths?

Do people know how to answer this? I am really good at math, I am aware of how not to be awkward in social situations, I am very confident. I’m intelligent.

What are your weaknesses?

I am loyal to a fault and I hate change. I like things to stay the same so maybe that’s why even though Tacia and I aren’t that close we are still friends because she knows me and if she wasn’t around I might have to make new friends.

Talk about what you believe are your good qualities.

I’m loyal, absolutely loyal to my friends.  I’m also determined to get what I want and I work very diligently to achieve my goals.  I’m goal oriented and I am not easily distracted from what I want.

What are your bad habits?

I don’t always listen to others, I sort of decide what the story is and let that be my truth and it’s not always been exactly what I make it to be so that gets me in trouble.

Turn ons:

Tall dark and handsome. Money also is pretty alluring to me

Turn offs:

Poorness, extra pounds

Natural talents:

I can play the piano and I’ve only ever had three lessons

Temperament:

I could say I don’t have a temper, but I do, it’s bad. I had to see a counselor when I was little for my anger issues.  I don’t think it’s that bad now but I’ve worked at it for many years.  But when I get mad I get mad and it takes me a long time to stop being mad.  I have a hard time letting things go. 

Background:

I just moved to Berry Creek when I was 14. I had to get out of my mother’s house, it wasn’t a good environment for me and I wanted to live with my father.  He’s not home most of the time so I got my solitude.  Now I live on my own because my father ruined my solitude by inviting his girlfriend and her kid to live with us, but it’s actually working out pretty well, I’ve my own place which is more than any of my friends can say.  This town is just somewhere I’m stopping in for a short time, then I am off to bigger and better.

Happiest Moment:

I don’t think it’s happened yet but possibly getting my own place.

Saddest Moment:

When my grandfather died,  he showed me what unconditional love was and I miss him