Dear Ex Boyfriend

Sometimes we live through different experiences and my one character of my first novel has this is a retrospective letter that she would write to her high school boyfriend that broke her heart after she broke up with him.

Dear Ex,

I know when we broke up things were tense!! So VERY tense, you were mad and I was heartbroken ( I just didn't know it yet).  But a lot of time has past, I have come to some realizations and I wanted to share them with you.

When we broke up (read I broke up with you) I was heartbroken and didn't know it at the moment.  You were so angry, asking me how I could be doing this to you.  You told me it wasn't fair, that you'd even bought me a ring. Which the whole ring, in hindsight, seems extreme we were in high school just to be fair.  I was tempted to change my mind, you must have been serious to buy to ring, but something told me not to.  I stuck to my conviction, I just knew deep down that something wasn't right with our relationship. I was so sad, SO SAD!! I loved you and I didn't know what was wrong, I couldn't put my finger on it, I just knew something was wrong.

You left for your summer holidays and I stayed in town...part of me thought I'd done you a great favour your weren't forced to stay loyal to me over the summer you could get a summer girlfriend.  Meet a girl on the beach, flirt away with twenty of them, it was like getting a hall pass. GO have your fun, I'll have fun here while you're gone but we will never speak about our adventures.  I didn't understand at the time that you just wanted me, because I just NEEDED out.

I had two weeks of my summer where I hung out with our friends, your guy friends, who were not happy with me, but they were dating my friends so I was someone they had to accept.  I wasn't happy though, something was missing. My 16 year old heart was yearning for someone and surprise surprise I wasn't finding that someone in any summer fling.  I thought I'd found one, but the distance was too much and he was starting to get into things I wanted nothing to do with.

So I stayed in town and I knew I'd made a mistake.  Everything I did made me think of you, everything.  I wanted to call you, to write you, to send you a message, but I never did, because I knew you'd be back home soon. I could only hope that you would be willing to listen to me, to hear my apology, I'd no reason other than a gut feeling to break up with you. There was no proof, no evidence just speculation and suspicion.  Then I had a conversation with a Little Birdie.

I had told said Bird that I was considering asking you to go out with me again when you returned home.  I missed you so MUCH! I felt I made a terrible mistake, I wanted my best friend back, the person I could count on to make me smile, the person who knew about all my insecurities and loved me anyways.  The little Bird then confirmed my suspicions, you'd been unfaithful, you'd stepped out on me and you'd done so with the Little Bird more than one time. For many times over the last couple of months. Times when I knew you were together, but you swore you were just friends.  I didn't believe her at first, I thought this was some ploy, then two more people confirmed it.

Devastation befell me, my broken heart broke again, shattering into thousands of pieces.  I cried and I got angry, and then I got even.  I found a summer boyfriend, he was older, much more mature than you and I was going to live my life without you.  SCREW YOU!! I screamed in my head and maybe out loud a time or two.  I maybe should have been suspicious about the timing of the revelations, Bird just didn't want us back together because she wanted you.  But I guess she screwed us both and herself over because you never took her as a girlfriend (thank you).

What a tumultuous time that was!! There were accusations, and lies and parents getting involved and then silence.  And then we didn't talk, we'd pass each other in the hallways and not a word was spoken.  The frigidness between us could have solved Global warming and brought in a new Ice Age.  It eventually subsided, we each found happiness else where.

Then we each experienced heart breaks of our own.  Who knew Karma could be such a BITCH!! And that girl cheating on you, (even though part of me was glad you were on the receiving end) made me so mad for you!! You were, are a great guy! It was fun reconnecting, and there was no pressure, It was easy falling back into a friendship with you.

I know you saw me do things, and I never chose you.  I couldn't choose you for a lot of it you were with that girl, then you weren't but I was with that boy.  It was serious, we'd been together for ever, but he was so bad for me, bad, bad, bad and he only got worse, but I don't know I guess my self esteem was non existent.  I felt I deserved the treatment he gave me, because all my boyfriends before me had cheated, so maybe that's what I was supposed to end up with. What a horrible fate I must have earned and yet I had no idea why I'd earned it. I started making bad decisions, partying every night, random hook ups, you saw it all. You know more than I am sure you ever let on. Maybe that period of our story is why our story is this way, why we never tried to co-write another chapter together, who knows what might have been.

Then we had some more encounters over the years, but you were with someone or I was or we were both single but never ventured past friendship again. You were my friend again and I was so HAPPY, and maybe just having you back as a friend was enough and not something I was willing to gamble with, I'm just not 100% sure.

I know I thought about it, I wondered what it would be like to give you a second chance.  I wondered what it would be like to kiss you again, to feel your fingers entwined with mine as we strolled through a hallway.  I wondered what we would fight about, or if we would fight at all.  How it would feel to have you pick me up at the door to go on a first date again?

I loved you and I still think very fondly of you! I think you are an amazing person, one of my fondest memories from high school regardless of how it ended in high school.

Girls are such romantics, and I always wonder if boys think the same way?  Did you think about dating me again? How did you see our break up? Do I ever cross your mind? We stayed in touch but it's not like we ever talk like this, it's not like we ever could.  Missed opportunities, or maybe a missed disaster?

At the end of the day it warms my heart to see how happy you are with your family!! I would never want anything to come between you and your true happiness. I've found mine, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but that doesn't mean I can't wonder.  I don't write this make things complicated,  I write this to explain, to put to words some strange feelings I am having.  I write this to put to rest those strange feelings, but to open a door should you ever want to chat about old times to clear up the picture.  I'm glad you are happy! I'm glad you are getting what you want out of life! I hope in time our stories intersect again and our significant others can meet and we can be that weird group of couples that hang out and nothing is actually weird about it!!

Love
your high school ex girlfriend

Meet Tacia Victoria Larson

What is your full name?
Tacia Victoria Larson. My mom had a thing for royalty.  I'm sure she would have stuck Catherine in there i my cousin hadn't already had that name.

Do you have any nicknames?
No just Tacia, although sometimes people just call me Tay or TayTay so I guess that's a nickname.

What is your gender?
Seriously, that question is on there, well I am female.

How old are you?
I am 17 years old

What is your birth date?
I'm a Pisces, through and through, I was born March 14th.

What is your relationship status?
Like on Facebook?  I'm still looking for Mr. Right, I thought I had found him but he proved to be Mr. Dead Wrong.  I just still kind of wish that he hadn't been though. It's Complicated, that's my Facebook Status.

How would you describe your hair colour?
It's an auburn colour by choice, but I have been known to be blond and chestnut brown.  I like to change it, my birth colour is mouse brown, very blah and boring!!

How would you describe your eye colour?
They are a stormy grey, sometimes blue sometimes green.  It depends on my mood.  But if you have ever seen a storm rolling in on a large body of water and the grey green colour of the sky before it's right on top of you, that's what my eyes look like most days.

What is your orgin?
Well I came from my mom and dad, who came from their parents etc and so on.  My heritage is Heinz 57 but really what Caucasian person living in North America isn't?  I mostly connect with my Norwegian heritage, but my French side is kind of fun too.  I am a proud Canadian American.  I was born in The states and I go back all the time, but I live in Canada now.

Do you speak any other languages?
Not really, much to my step-dad's charign, I can understand French but it's hard for me to figure out all the verb tenses and stuff to answer back.  I just don't use it enough, maybe I should start using it more.

How tall are you?
Too tall, is that an answer?  I'm like 5'11" I'm taller than almost all the boys, it sucks.  No one wants to date an Amazon, they all want the pixie sized girls, the little girls. 

What is your weight?
That's a horrible question!!!!  I'm a healthy weight.  That is all.

Describe for the readers your body structure and physical faults.
I've been blessed or cursed with a curvy figure.  I have horrible fingernails, mostly because I always pick at the imperfections and then they peel or I bite them.  I am always trying to quit but nothing has worked yet.  I have large feet, which is probably normal seeing as I am a descendant of the Jolly Green Giant, no I kid, but i have larger feet than all my friends.  Maybe I need to find taller friends?  I also have imperfect teeth, they are straight but I have a small gap and my eye teeth sort of flare out.  I never smile with an open mouth for pictures if I can help it.

How is your health, Physical and Mental?
They are both good.

What ethnicity are you?
I already answered this, maybe I didn't understand the first question, but I am Scandinavian and French.

What would you say is your personal style?
It's pretty much classic with a little prep, I am never very trendy with the clothes I buy.

What can you tell the readers about your family?
I live with my mom and step dad.  I have two sisters, one lives with us and one lives with our dad, I also have a brother.  I am the oldest of my mom's children.  My older sister lives with my dad for 3 months of the year and the other time she lives with her mom, but sees our dad every other weekend.  My oldest sister is named Jessica.  My other sister is Elizabeth Grace (see obsession with Royalty) and my brother is Andrew George. 
My mom and step dad are pretty cool, and I get to see my dad twice a year and I talk to him all the time, but sometimes I miss him and wish I could be the only one with him for most of the year.

What can you tell us about your circle of friends?
My core group of friends are Marisal and Alizhay and Reese and Paige.  I usually always hang out with Marisal and Alizhay outside of school and Reese and Paige in school.  I probably have more in common with Reese and Paige now, but Marisal and I have been friends since middle school and Alizhay has been our friend since high school.  I hang out with a lot of people but I make the most time for Alizhay and Marisal.

Do you have any enemies?
Who doesn't?  I don't actually think so, but sometimes people do mean things to further their own agenda, I try not to hate anyone, my fatal flaw, it takes too much energy and I would rather have happy thoughts.

What are your religious spiritual beliefs/ values?
I don't know how to answer this!  I believer there is a God.  I believe in treating people with respect, kindness and dignity.  I don't agree with organized religion, even though my parents haul me to church every weekend.  I just think that organized religious groups cause more trouble in the world then good.  It's just my opinion, I don't think the people are inherently bad, they just make bad decisions and blanket statements that don't work for every situation.  I believe that absolute power corrupts and so does absolute spirituality.  If you don't have an open mind to other belief systems you can't get along with other people.  I believe Jesus was real, but I don't think the average person knows his full story.

What are your life goals?
Right now I want to graduate high school.  Then I want to have a family, a large family, but I want to be a child psychologist.  I love working with kids and I especially love helping kids.

What is your dream job or dream for your life?
It's a secret but I would love to be a published author, I think that would be so cool.

What is your favourite phrase to use?
get out of here or I'll do it and Seriously?

What are your hobbies?
Reading, writing, running, swimming, playing sports, photography and baking.

What do you like?
I like good books, good movies and good food.  I enjoy music and I have favourite songs in every genre. And must see television, I may be a bit of a television junkie.

What are your dislikes?
techno and reggae music are not my favourites, I hate feet as well and fake people.

What do you loathe?
boring books and liver

What are your fears?
losing someone I love and death and heights.

What are your strengths?
persistence, dependable, organized, quick learner and I am honest.  I am also very forgiving, again this could be my fatal flaw.

What are your weaknesses?
I have a weak stomach for certain smells. I also don't always trust my own abilities.

Talk about what you believe are your good qualities.
I am a great listener, I have a lot of empathy and I am great at helping others solve problems and I can follow directions really well.

What are your bad habits?
I easily get wrapped up in my own world, I don't always act selflessly, I have a quick temper, by which I mean it lights quick but fizzles out even faster.  I forgive too easily and it often leads me to being hurt (fatal flaw)

Turn ons: strong arms, tall guys and blue eyes

Turn offs: overweight, short guys and arrogance

Natural talents: writing, learning and being able to see the whole picture (when it's someone else's problem, when it's my own I have tunnel vision)

Temperament: easy going, long fuse, not easily angered but when angered it burns bright and fizzles quickly.

Background: My parents divorced when I was four.  I moved to Canada and began kindergarten in the city but moved to a small town after kindergarten when my mom met my step dad.  They got married and my brother was born 6 months  later and my sister was born 3 years after that. We moved back to the city when I was in middle school where I met Marisal. We both moved to the Public High School after grade 9 and that's when Marisal met Alizhay.  She was a year younger than us, but she worked hard to take extra classes to join our graduating class.  She's definitely closer to Marisal than me but we get along just fine too.

Happiest Moment:
When I got my license on the first try, and when my brother was born and then my sister.

Saddest Moment:
When my nana died.  She was always with me every summer and she was so much fun.